Vacation in my homeland

In 2011 i went to visit my grandmother in Somalia. I never went to Somalia or seen my grandmother for real, so I was both nervous and exited. Our plane was going to leave in the evening in about 18.00 O`clock. The last day when we were in Finland  our mother told us to say goodbye to our friends  before we go to the airport so me and my brothers and sisters went say goodbye all to our friends. Of course after that we went to the airport. When we arrived there I got to now that we are going to stop in three whole airports before we  actually get to Somalia. It took us 2 days to get Somalia and after we finally arrived to our final destination I was told that were not in Somalia but we were in a small Country called Djibouti.We were not in Somalia so we got a ride to the Board. Unfortunately when me and my family were on the road we”d have to stop several times to pay to the customs guard to get through.

Finally after we arrived to Somalia me and my family met our dear Grandmother for the first time. The first thing that our grand mother was that she hugged all of us and gave us a big kiss to the four head. After we all got to know grandmother we headed to her huge house with no furniture, she told us that she rent the house just for us and the rest of  the furniture  are coming tomorrow. We spend 3 months in Somalia, it was two weeks before the school is going to start again so we prepaid to leave, after things were ready for us we returned to  back to Finland in time.

  1. #1 by Mrs. Puhakka on February 2, 2015 - 12:31 pm

    Contents: Good
    The story is so exciting, I just wish you had followed my advice and used all your senses to describe your grandmother and her cooking and clothes etc. in detail. It is a shame that the story does not come to life because you have not used colorful language.

    For a better structure, try to come full circle. 3-4 paragraphs with an introduction, middle and conclusion. The point of your essay was your grandmother so start with that, “I got to see my grandmother in Somalia for the very first time in 2011, having lived in Finland all my life as a second generation immigrant.” End with grandmother to come full circle, “In conclusion, Somalia is a beautiful country and it was amazing to meet my grandmother for the very first time. She is an incredible, feisty old lady!”

    Media: Room for improvement

    Grammar: Satisfactory
    – i = I
    – I HAD never GONE to Somalia before
    – exCited
    – my family AND I
    – arrived IN Somalia
    – the first thing that she DID was to hug us
    – we SPENT

  2. #2 by qifan on January 13, 2015 - 8:19 am

    I know more about Somali,I think you can write more about Somali nature or something else about Somali.

    • #3 by Mrs. Puhakka on January 15, 2015 - 8:26 am

      – I WOULD LIKE TO know more (haluaisin tietää, muuten väität, että tiedät jo enemmän)

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