The United States of America

A couple of years ago me and my older brother flew to Hershey, Pennsylvania. We were both very excited because it was our first time flying without parents. We started at Helsinki-Vantaa airport. First we flew to Heathrow in London. After picking up something quick to eat, we took the American airlines and flew to Philadelphia. The flight was very long, but luckily there was a possibility to watch movies and play video games on the plane.

When we arrived in Philadelphia, my aunt and uncle came to pick us up. We drove 2-4 hours to Hershey. Its a small place in Pennsylvania. The next day we bought two seasons passes to Hershey park, which is a big amusement park. We went there almost every day. Our Linnanmäki in Finland is nothing compared to Hershey Park.

We also visited the Hershey chocolate factory. You might have heard of Hershey kisses and Reese`s peanut butter cups. They are made in the Hershey chocolate factory.

The hole trip was an exciting experience for me, and i was very sad to leave after four weeks of fun.

  1. #1 by Mrs. Puhakka on February 2, 2015 - 1:02 pm

    Contents: Satisfactory
    You obviously had such a wonderful trip, but it is very hard to visualize it based on your essay because you have not used all your senses or any idioms. Try to be creative and entertain your readers from the very first sentence! What is the point of your essay? I doubt it is how you got to Philadelphia…. Maybe it should be chocolate? A better topic sentence, “A couple of years ago my older brother and I flew to Hershey, Pennsylvania, where we got to visit the Hershey Chocolate Factory and experience travelling on our own for the very first time.”

    Media: Good

    Grammar: Good
    – my older brother and I
    – hole = reikä, whole = koko
    – Hershey Park, Hershey Chocolate Factory (capitalize!)
    – i = I

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