unforgettable city vacation

My trip to Berlin stared when me and my parents and grandmother took a flight to Germany. I think that flight time is ideal from Helsinki to Berlin. When we arrived in Germany we took a bus and went to the hotel. The hotel was amazing. Hotels breakfast is amazing and the place where was it, it´s just wonderful. It was on the hotel´s top floor and there was a balcony, where you can see the city of Berlins and the view was unbelievable! It was nice to eat breakfast there and the food is also good.
The First day we just took a bus and went sightseeing all around the city. Food in Germany is good. If you ever go to Germany you have to eat pig hoof.

Second day we went to the Berlins Zoo. The zoo was so much bigger than korkeasaari zoo here in Finland and there were many more animals. We toured the whole zoo and I am not kidding when I say we went about three hours to before we had seeing all animals. There were many exotic animals that don’t exist in Finland . It would be nice to see a panda, but the house where the pandas were is was closed before we got there. After the zoo we just hung out in the city and went to a cafe.

Last day we just shopped, ate and wait that are flight would leaves. I have to say that I would visit Berlin again and it is wonderful city. Next time I go there i would like to go watch some football.

This is the images shows a piece of the Berlin wall.

This is the images shows a piece of the Berlin wall where we visiting.

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  1. #1 by Mrs. Puhakka on February 3, 2015 - 9:05 am

    Contents: Very good
    Even though there is no clear idea to your story, I think it is entertaining and informative. I learned something about German culture. For better structure, make your point clear from the first paragraph and topic sentence, for example, “My parents, grandparents and I went to Germany in 2014 and I learned a lot about Berlin’s wonders and eating pigs in several forms.” Then get on with the story and return to the beginning at the end, “I learned that Berlin is a wonderful city and I love pig hooves. I recommend the city to all pig and football lovers.”

    Media: Excellent
    I love the links and the photo, very helpful. However, also include the full name of the hotel in your article.

    Grammar: Satisfactory
    – “An Unforgettable City Vacation” (Capitalize titles!)
    – my parents, grandparents and I
    – the hotel’s breakfast (älä unohda heittomerkkejä omistusmuodosta, muuten siitä tulee monikko)
    – avoid repeating GOOD! http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/delicious?s=t
    – ON THE second day, ON THE last day
    – went AROUND FOR about 3 hours before WE HAD SEEN (pluskvamperfekti = olimme nähneet) all the animals
    – this __ image SHOWS

  2. #2 by danielrif on December 24, 2014 - 3:12 pm

    What an interesting story! Berlin seems like a city worth visiting. You wrote quite well as well. You might have written a bit more though. Great picture!

    • #3 by Mrs. Puhakka on January 8, 2015 - 5:11 pm

      An encouraging comment! However, for top points, try to expand your constructive suggestions a bit. Quite well does not tell us much. What could be done better and how? Why would you like to visit Berlin?
      – thoROUGH = perusteellinen

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