What A Difference!

My family and I were in Egypt, in Sharm el Sheik five years ago and I still remember it very well. I really liked the hotel we were in. The food was wonderfull and I loved the pools.
Walking out of the hotel was immediately different, because there were street vendors everywhere and they almost forced people to buy their stuff. So I really didn`t like that. But other people and even some of the street vendors were nice. They were very open and talked a lot.

We went on an excursion to Cairo. It was about 15 people including us. We left the hotel at 5 am, by bus. I was very tired but excited too. I had heard stories of some robbers intimitading the bus driver with a gun and robbing everything during the trip in the desert.Well, fortunately that didn`t happen to us.

We stopped to eat a couple of times because the trip was long. I will never forget the cutest kittens I saw there. There were so many of them and I felt sorry for them because they had no home.

When we were heading to Cairo it looked extremely different from the hotel area in Sharm el Sheik. The traffic was quite much the same which was terrible. People drove everywhere. So it was definitely different than in Finland. But the biggest thing that I faced was the climate there. The sky was entirely full of gray pollution . I felt terrible about what it is like there night and day.  I think the main reason for that is that the people have old cars which emit a lot of  carbon dioxide. Only a few people have new cars which are a lot more environmentaly friendly.

To sum up Egypt was different but beautiful in many ways. I hope that they will start taking better care of the environment.

Emilia Kainulainen

 The Pyramids


We went to see the huge pyramids! The weather was wonderfull there.

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  1. #1 by Mrs. Puhakka on February 2, 2015 - 11:59 am

    Contents: Good
    To make your story come full circle, try to introduce the topic that you so eloquently sum up in the conclusion at the beginning as well. “My family and I were in Egypt, in Sharm el Sheik five years ago and I still remember it very well because it was a country of contrasts, extreme beauty and ugliness.” Then in your second paragraph describe all the beauty and in your third all the negative aspects. A structure should be logical. You have made an attempt to use all your senses especially when describing the traffic. You forgot the noise, though! I bet the Egyptians love honking their horns!

    Media: Good

    Grammar: Good
    – wonderful (press the ABC proofread button to fix spelling mistakes!)
    – the traffic was ABOUT the same

  2. #2 by Markolaitinen on December 20, 2014 - 10:51 pm

    I think the title is good because you write a difference of a hotel area and the outside world in Egypt. The description is clear and simple. You tell the particular things. I think the structure is very simple and It is easy to read. You don’t have any idioms but it didn’t bother me. I like your blog a lot because it’s easy to read and your English is understandable. I think ”Walking out of the hotel was immediately different, because there were street vendors everywhere and they almost forced people to buy their stuff.” is your blog best detail and the picture of pyramids is very nice too. I would like to visit in Egypt because I have never been in Egypt and I would like to see the pyramids. The blog would be even better if you had written a recommendations and few idioms.

    • #3 by Mrs. Puhakka on January 8, 2015 - 5:01 pm

      Very specific, mature and constructive. Excellent work, Marko!
      – the blog WOULD HAVE BEEN even better if you had described…

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