Years ago I was in Greece alone with my friend. It was scary because our language skills weren’t positive. One day we decided to go somewhere we could sunbathe and to see Greece’s wonderful turquoise water. We were on the bus and there is other people going on a different trip. Then we heard our trip’s name and we went out of the bus. We went to a boat which should get us on the trip that we had come. Suddenly we didn’t see any people wearing bikini like us. We had come to the wrong journey!
We came to an island which was called Symi where was tremendous church there. There was warm outside and we were wearing dresses. We weren’t allowed to go in that church without scarves over our shoulders. The church was very different in comparison to Finland’s churches. The church was really interesting, but then we went to the other side of the island and that changed my whole opinion about Greece. We came to a small village and it was adorable and beautiful. It looked like a place that have only in movies. The houses were on slope. We had two hours to spend in that village and I wanted to be there a five more. I will always want to go back there because it was splendid trip and it didn’t messed up that we went on the wrong journey. I will always remember that amazing trip. One wrong turn can change your day for the good.
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#1 by Mrs. Puhakka on February 1, 2015 - 4:11 pm
Contents: Good
You were very brave to go on a trip all by yourselves and try to make it. That is the best way to learn a new language, by just trying to communicate with the locals! Keep taking risks and challenge yourself!
You concentrate on one scene and the story is entertaining. For better structure, divide the text into 3 paragraphs (introduction, middle and conclusion). You describes the place beautifully, although try to include all your senses for more color. I wish you remembered the name of that little quaint village, sounds like paradise to me!
Media: Good
Grammar: Satisfactory
– journey = excursion (päiväretki)
– language skills weren’t good
– there WERE other people
– where THERE was an enormous church
– IT was warm outside (käytä säätä kuvaillessa tätä muodollista subjektia)
– a place that EXISTS only in movies
– A splendid trip
– didn’t SPOL IT that we went on the wrong journey
– change your day for the BETTER
#2 by kuurakomulainen98 on December 20, 2014 - 11:44 am
Interesting story. What a twist, good that it turned out to great day. Saw some spotpa problems. Still well written. 🙂
#3 by Mrs. Puhakka on January 8, 2015 - 4:59 pm
Think of more to comment, perhaps the vocabulary or structure or the location itself. Noticing the SPOTPA was quite clever!