Last summer I was in Dubai and let me tell you, it was amazing I had so much fun being there. The people there and I can somehow relate because I wear a scarf and we have the same religion which is very nice compare to Finland not everybody has the same religion but just so you know mine is Islam. And most of all we almost have the same culture. While being there we stayed at a very nice hotel . The next day, we decided to go to the beach and it´s called Jumeirah Beach Park. It seriously was breath-taking the Place me and my family we wee bit surprised. The weather was perfect, so nice that i didn´t want to leave the Place at all while swimming or sun bathing a random man came to us which was odd. But he was working at the beach and he asked us if we needed anything on top of that he gave us smoothies because it enclosed in the ticket we bought when we came to the beach.
I forgot to tell you that when you arrive to Dubai you immediately see that nothing in there is little Dubai´s airport is the biggest airport in the world literally, there is almost every designer shop you know. But back to the trip
After the beach we were so tired that we decided to go back to the hotel. The next day we decided to go and see the biggest tower on earth and it´s a hotel also. So we went there and took a lot of pictures I recommend going there and around the corner there was the biggest shopping mall I have ever seen with my own eyes when we went inside there was an ice skate INSIDE now that is something and I also recommend to watch the performances there. However the stuff there bis very expensive.
This was one the top trips I´ve ever taken I hope that one day in your lifetime you will get the chance to go to Dubai.
#1 by Mrs. Puhakka on February 6, 2014 - 5:05 pm
Contents: Good
Try to use more periods! For example, your first sentence should be 3 sentence, “Last summer I was in Dubai. Let me tell you, it was amazing! I had so much fun being there.” In so many places, chopping up the sentences would make your lively text easier to read.
I really enjoyed the first paragraph about how you relate to the people in Dubai because of your Somali roots. That would have been a wonderful essay in its self. The rest of your essay was mostly based on visual experiences, try to describe using other senses as well!
Media / sources: Good
No caption or links for more information?
Grammar: Good
– compareD to Finland
– and MORE THAN THAT, we almost have THE same culture
– seriously = spoken English (we believe you!)
– it WAS INCLUDED in the ticket
– i = I (Always!)
– arrive IN Dubai
– nothing _ there is little
– an ice SKATING RINK
– recommend SEEING the performances
#2 by backpackerlee on January 27, 2014 - 2:53 pm
http://backpackerlee.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/window-shopping-in-the-dubai-mall/