Road trip in The USA

We travelled to The United States of America in summer 2012. Our first destination was Hollywood, Los Angeles, where we stayed one night. On the first night we went to Hollywood Boulevard to see Hollywood Walk of Fame and it stars. On the next morning we left Hollywood to drive to Las Vegas. Las Vegas was awesome and I would like to visit there again! There was so much people and lights etc. We saw city and its lights from a distance, because it was bright spot in the middle of desert. In Las Vegas, we spent three days and with in those days we had good time to walk around the city and see big and beautiful hotels and other buildings in a bright view and a night view.

After that we drove back to Los Angeles where we stayed one week. There we went to shopping, visited Universal Studios, Disney World at Anaheim, see some sports and went to concert. My favourite experience was Universal Studios, because it was amazing to see how movies are made and where they are made. We saw e.g. Jaws, Desperate Housewives, King Kong, Back to the Future and Psycho scenes. In addition to activities we spent a couple of beach days, which were nice.

A week went very quickly and the time came to go to New York City. In NYC we stayed three nights during which time we saw Empire State Building, World Trade Center memorial monuments, 5th avenue and Time Square. There was so much people in the streets and at the sights. That was so amazing city and I want to go back!

Las Vegas (c) Janina Paavilainen

Las Vegas sign (c) Janina Paavilainen

Time Square, NYC (c) Janina Paavilainen

Time Square, NYC (c) Janina Paavilainen

Universal Studios Los Angeles (c) Janina Paavilainen

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  1. #1 by Mrs. Puhakka on February 3, 2014 - 8:23 am

    Contents: Good
    Your story is a bit list-like and could include more description using all 5 senses! Try to decide on a theme for your essay instead of trying to list everything that you did. Perhaps you could have recommended 3 things to do in California, or 3 sights? Next time, pay more attention to structure.

    The trip seems amazing – you are a lucky girl!

    Media / sources: Very good

    Grammar: Satisfactory
    – A road trip TO the USA
    – stayed FOR one night
    – its (= sen) stars
    – there WERE so MANY people THERE (much water=ei laskettavissa, many dogs=laskettavissa + ‘l’ unohda muodollisen subjektin ‘there’ lisäksi paikkaa lopussa eli uudestaan ‘there’)
    – we saw THE city
    – A bright spot in the middle of THE desert
    – IN DAYLIGHT AND AT NIGHT
    – we went SHOPPING or TO SHOP
    – we spent A COUPLE OF DAYS ON the beach
    – there WERE so MANY people at the sights
    – IT was SUCH AN amazing city
    Avoid using ‘etc.’!

  2. #2 by Kiira on January 22, 2014 - 6:51 pm

    Blogs author did really express her opinions of United States Of America. There were mentioned a lot of interested places but as an blog reader I would wanted to hear more about the places and what did it felt visiting there. On the blog was it also mentioned many different countries and that cloud be nice if the author would write about the differences in the countries. Like how do Hollywood and Los Angeles separate from each other, is there different kind of people or climate? The blog listed really well all the famous sights but it would be awesome if the blog had focused on one certain sight. Blogs grammar was clean and it was really clear to understand what the author wanted to say! 🙂

    • #3 by Mrs. Puhakka on January 31, 2014 - 8:40 am

      A wonderfully constructive comment, Kiira! But you have to pay more attention to basic gramar when you write or else it will sound like Finglish!
      – the author OF THE BLOG POST really EXPRESSED (älä käytä ‘do’ apuverbiä muissa kuin kysymyksissä ja kieltolauseissa)
      – A lot of interesting places ARE MENTIONED IN THE POST (passiivi, aloita objektilla ja loppuun paikka)
      – I would HAVE wanted… and WHAT IT FELT LIKE visiting there (sivulause, ei kysymys, joten et tarvitse kysymyksiin kuuluvaa apuverbiä ‘do’)
      – IT WAS also mentioned ON THE BLOG (SPOTPA)
      – if the author WROTE (ehtolauseen sivulause = imperfekti)
      – ARE there different kinds of people
      – listed all the sights very well (SPOTPA)

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